Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
