In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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