chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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