I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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