My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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