Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
