I faked an abortion last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
