how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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