Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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