I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
