Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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