cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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