I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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