i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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