i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
