Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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