I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
