she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
