from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i will never coherently bang her
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
