This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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