Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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