honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
