Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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