If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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