I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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