where does the pee come out of this thing
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
