mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
