just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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