So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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