What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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