Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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