this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
