i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
