I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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