My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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