i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I love you. Go after that dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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