some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
