Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
