If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
