Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
