dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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