This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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