You made me cry and you don't even care
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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