I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
