you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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