hell yes lets make some ravioli
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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