Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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