i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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