It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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