Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
