oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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