He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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