guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
