Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it's like iHOP with fire
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
