I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
