Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
