I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
