You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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