I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
