Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize