winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
