I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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