Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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