everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
