I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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